my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
