i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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