pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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