she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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