I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
