this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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