4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I touched a dick in church today
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
