My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
