Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
