we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
