I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize