By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
