you traded sex for a burrito?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
These tits shall not be calmed
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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