Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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