I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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