So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
