TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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