We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
