I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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