i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
