fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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