and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
