I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
