You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
