I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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