dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
