I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
