WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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