Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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