my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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