I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
