Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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