38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
