i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize