please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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