I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
