This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
