just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
