Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
