it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
