His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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