Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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