But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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