I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
