I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
