She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
