my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
