i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
