Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
