Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize