I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
