Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
