I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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