There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
