whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
