someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
