He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Let's paint friendship bongs
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize