I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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