There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
