is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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