He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
