We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
