I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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