in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
