he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
