Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
