Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
