haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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